I walk around everyday talking to you, in my head. As if you are there with me. As if you're watching me. Like a ghost.

I miss your breathing and your warmth beside me at night, especially at this hour, when you would be fast asleep and I still awake. I loved you the most at times like this.

I don't know if it is too far gone, or if I should persevere. It feels too far, but I can't believe that there is no more me and you. I talk to you everyday in my head. Everything I do, I still see it through your lens, as if you were there watching over me.

I watched a movie today where one of the characters is talking about marriage, and he asks; "can you live without her? No? Then you must marry her." I don't think I can live without you. Maybe I will just live a half-life without you. One without the kindness and the joy that you gave me.

It is probably what I deserve.

I want you to know that I can see things clearly now. I can see what a horrible horrible person I've become. I am utterly ashamed of what I did, at every step along the way over the last 2 years. Every single time I thought about you, and there wasn't a day that went past that I didn't, I suppressed it. I suppressed the urge to love you, to open up to you, to do the right thing by you. Most of all, I suppressed the urge to provide for you, to mind you, to give you the love that I had for you, that I know you needed. 

I suppressed the urge to come back and just say yes its me, I love you and I miss you and I need you.

I'm going to start with "I'm sorry", because I truly am.